Dealing With Difficult People... It Is Possible!

There are some people that just push your buttons, that make you want to reach across the desk and throttle them! Why do they have to be so difficult? Maybe it's your star performer... in all but the personality stakes around the office, or maybe your boss. Perhaps it's the leader of the next department or even your own team members. Whoever they are, we have all (or will all) at times come across difficult people that we have to work with, despite our differences. How can we deal with them in a constructive manner?

How bad is it? 

Conflict management survey findings conducted by CIPD confirm that the scale of workplace conflict is remarkable. Of the survey's respondents, almost half said that their organisation had increased its use of disciplinary action (49.5%), grievance procedures (47.7%) and mediation (49.4%) in the last two years. Two in three respondents (65.3%) say that troubleshooting by the HR department has gone up, reflecting the increased volume of disciplinary and grievance cases.

"By far the most common types of workplace conflict are disagreements between employees and their line managers and those between employees on the same team" says UK based XpertHR Benchmarking from the results of their recent survey.

It's enough to make you feel like you need to bring one of these to work with you ...

What causes workplace conflict?

The four most common causes of workplace conflict according to XpertHR Benchmarking are:

1. Ineffective line management
   
2. Personality clashes
   
3. Lack of effective performance management
   
4. Perceived bullying / harassment

The Stress Research Institute identify these factors as associated with an increased likelihood of ongoing conflicts:

• Conflicting demands
  
• Emotional demands
  
• Risk of transfer or dismissal
  
• Poor promotion prospects
  
• High level of employee influence
  
• Good freedom of expression

And Employee Development Systems report from their survey findings, that the top five root causes of workplace conflict are:

1. Warring egos and personality clashes (86%)
   
2. Poor leadership (73%)
   
3. Lack of honesty (67%)
   
4. Stress (64%)
   
5. Clashing values (59%)

It's amazing isn't it, how much of the causes of conflict - whether in our team directly or in the organisations that we lead - is controllable by good management and leadership!

What is the effect of conflict?

The consequences of unresolved workplace conflict - it seems everyone agrees - include:

1. Low team morale
   
2. High turnover costs
   
3. Increased short and long term absence and/or sick leave
   
4. Recourse to formal disciplinary or grievance procedure resulting in increased legal costs
   
5. Unproductive use of valuable time
   
6. Mental and physical ill-health with a risk of emotional exhaustion or depressive symptoms from those involved

Clearly this is an issue worth addressing!  

What can we do about it?

I think we need to look at this issue in two parts - our personal conflicts and those at an orgaisational level. In this blog, we'll focus on personal conflicts.

Personal conflicts:

Before we can manage conflicts in our organisations, we should first look in our own backyards! How do we manage our own relationships when it comes to difficult people that we have to deal with directly?

It's scary to think, but as this TEDx video explores, it's possible that we like problems!

According to Dr. Alan Zimmerman in How To Turn Difficult People Around "The good news is, only 20% of the people you deal with are truly difficult people. The bad news is, those 20% can take up 80% of your time. You'll never be able to avoid all the difficult people in your life, but you don't have to let them steal your joy or diminish your productivity." He goes on to identify 6 types of difficult people and how to deal with them (read the full article to learn how to deal with each of them):

1. Complainers - Chronic Complainers gripe incessantly about what's not working, but they seldom if ever do anything about the object of their irritations. They would rather give you reasons why their problems can't be solved.
   
2. Know-It-Alls - I'm sure you've run across your share of these difficult people. They think they are smarter than you, and they want you to acknowledge their superiority. Pomposity and condescension are their stock-in-trade. Know-It-Alls are highly opinionated, speak with great authority, and are very sure of themselves. They have all the right answers - or at least think they do - so they're very impatient with others as they spew out their facts, details, reports, and studies.
   
3. Super-Agreeables - These are the people who, on the surface, seem so very nice because they agree with everything you say and agree to do everything you ask them to do. The trouble is, Super-Agreeables are so desperate to be liked that they'll agree with everyone - including those who hold diametrically opposing viewpoints. They'll tell you what they think you want to hear. But when the push comes to shove, when the time for action has arrived, Super-Agreeables seldom follow through.
   
4. Clams - These are the people whose silence and unresponsiveness leave you guessing as to what they are thinking and feeling. They give few opinions, seldom ask questions, and are relatively invisible. When they talk, they give short, non-revealing responses like "Yes", "No", "Okay" and "If you say so".
   
5. Tanks - They are the aggressive, hostile folks who batter you with criticism. They have a strong sense of what others "should" do and are very impatient with others. In fact, if you don't do what they want, their impatience turns to righteous indignation and anger. They attack you and put you down in hopes that you will back down from your point of view or your way of doing things.
   
6. Nay-Sayers - They're just plain negative about almost everything. If you suggest a new idea, a new approach, or a new product or service, they'll say something like, "Nope, won't work around here" or "They tried that over at XYZ Company, and it didn't work".

"Often the first step to changing the dynamics in a difficult relationship has to begin with the part of the relationship in your control - your own behaviour. If you can find a kinder perspective, you will be in a much better position to do your part to help", says Ken Warren in Managing Difficult Relationships and asks us to examine our own behaviour by asking these questions ...

• Have you misread the situation? 
  
• Are they simply a different person to you?  
  
• Are they under a lot of pressure at home or work?
  
• Are you contributing?

Six key trigger points, identified by Dr Steven Saunders in Six Trigger Points Reveal The Root Cause Of Difficult Employees assist in identifying the root cause of difficult staff:

1. Leadership - Employers should examine themselves and the management team. If staff do not have a leader with constancy of purpose, consistency in standards and clarity of communication, you have a breeding ground for difficult behaviour.
   
2. Fit - Complications can simply result from an employee being a square peg in a round hole. Perhaps the wrong candidate was chosen at interview phase and does not fit with the role, the company culture or the existing team. When a company and a staff member are hopelessly mismatched, almost every strategy becomes a patching solution.
   
3. An individual's energy levels - If people have any negative traits, those characteristics tend to be exposed far more when they are tired. This is true of many people who are drained and stressed.
   
4. A heart that is not in the job - Check whether a person really wants to be in the role. Is the job truly what they want to do or do they harbour plans to move on?
   
5. Psychological issues - Some people, through no fault of their own, have psychological problems and suffer from underlying issues of poor self-image. Other factors such as high stress, tension, depression and other psychological and psychiatric disorders, can contribute quite significantly to difficult behaviour.
   
6. Tools and training - Employees can become difficult or tetchy because they have not got the tools or the training to do the job. They feel as though they are in a no-win situation and their behaviour might be out of frustration arising from that.

Next post, we'll be looking at organisational conflict.

Have a fabulous week!

Kristine Szitovskzy
CEO Online