The whole thing about getting nervous when you speak is serious and maybe not something that ever truly goes away. And maybe that's the way it's meant to be ...
It's all about what you focus on when you get nervous. I notice that those who speak full time - or at least a lot - have found a way to shift their focus from things that make them nervous and onto things that are useful.
I see five rings of attention. And they exist in an evolutionary spread. It is not that one level is replaced by a higher level, but rather you incorporate all 5 levels of attention when you really start to master getting nervous, and replace it with getting energised and ready.
The 5 rings of nervous tension
- Ring 1: SELF
When you focus on ‘you' when you speak, you are bound to get undone. In your head this becomes ‘I' issues - "I am not prepared, I am not qualified, I am not wearing clothes that make me comfortable". I like to think that these worries are not some kind of narcissism, but rather the natural result of being in front of so many people.
Get over yourself. At this ring you should quickly coach yourself and replace the negative self talk with a question: "What can I offer that might be of service to the room?".
- Ring 2: AUDIENCE
Most advice you get on how to handle nerves comes from this centre of attention. Well meaning advice such as ‘picture your audience naked' and ‘stare at their foreheads' are simply not helpful. It's a simple distraction strategy to overcome nerves. That's OK if you're simply going for the 15-minute-once-in-lifetime-sit-down-without-embarrassing-yourself speech. As a tribe of people committed to being world-class presenters though, you need a more successful coping strategy than simply survival.
The outer three rings of CONVERSATION, MESSAGE and PROCESS all work together to help you truly manage your internal state and keep an appropriate level of arousal and focus without becoming ‘hamstrung' by sweaty palms.
- Ring 3: CONVERSATION
This is the first of the elevating rings. The conversation state is about getting into dialogue with the audience. It may mean opening with questions.
In a smaller audience ask them what they already know or think on your topic. With larger audiences you might send a survey out in advance polling their opinion and asking them what their biggest challenge is regarding your area of expertise.
I often use rhetorical questions with very large audiences to start what is a two-way conversation with only me speaking.
- Ring 4: MESSAGE
You have to have something to say worth listening to. Seems obvious right? It's amazing though with the survival mindset, we are OK saying something obvious, already understood and easily read or reviewed outside of the live experience. When preparing message for the live audience, spend more time on the words, the key ideas and the ways you can use repetitive variety to bring the thoughts from your mind to theirs.
- Ring 5: PROCESS
Start to think about how you say what you are saying. Develop a third eye perspective where you begin to watch the science and art of oration. With this ‘student' view you begin to have an out of body experience when you speak. You become detached from the words and start to look at the way. It becomes a Zen like experience as you float metaphorically above yourself speaking and you have an expanded consciousness/awareness of all that is going on around you.
You notice little nuances like that guy in the third row who straightened his tie; The CEO nodding in agreement to your message; The CFO on her ‘crack'berry emailing the accounts department to hold off on paying the catering bill. The trick is to stay engaged and connected to what is happening in the room and have a range of techniques you can access to change the direction, energy and feeling in the room.
When you are in control of your internal dialogue of self, aware of the needs of others in the room, engaged in a conversation with the room, delivering a message they value in a way that is compelling there is simply no time to get nervous. So, start from the outer rings and work back, rings 5, 4, 3 and then 2 and 1 kind of take care of themselves.