Exercise A
In your life, what is the number one thing you would hate to lose? In other words, what is most important to you? Is it your partner, children, health, car or money? Rate them in order from the most important (at 1.).
From the clients I coach, the four most important things, in order, are:
- Relationship with partner
- Children
- Health/fitness, and
- Financial security
While many will include other family members and themselves (including their mental health), an interesting find is that 97% of people place financial security well down the list, or last.
Exercise B
Think about the time you spend daily developing each area in your list from Exercise A. If health and fitness are important, how much time do you spend on average per day improving them, through reading relevant books and exercise? How much time do you spend developing and improving your relationship? You may spend some time with your partner without it being productive.
Rewrite your list from Exercise A in the spaces below keeping the order the same. Write in the spaces on the right hand side how much time you spend on average per day developing each area:
|
Priority |
Time Spent (per day) |
| 1. |
|
|
| 2. |
|
|
| 3. |
|
|
| 4. |
|
|
It makes sense to think that if something is of utmost importance, you would spend much time developing that area.
You may find this is not the case. Most people, especially men, spend most of their time working on their financial security (which is lower down the list) and the least amount of time developing their family and relationship with their partner (which is generally number one in importance).
How did you go? Are you giving priority to those things that are most important?
It may be time to reassess what you are doing
John owned a growing business. His wife, Maureen, was thinking of leaving him. She had become tired of telling him they were having problems with their relationship. After consulting with Maureen, I thought it would be a good idea to consult John. On entering my office the first words he said were "I don't know why I'm here. My wife said I should see you for a reality check".
John thought his relationship with Maureen was good. Sure, they had some problems, but so does everybody. When asked to complete Exercise A, he listed 1. His wife, 2. Children, 3. Health, and 4. Hobby. I asked where financial security came and he replied "fifth".
"How much time per day do you spend developing each?"
"Wife nothing, children half an hour, health nothing, hobby two hours and money fourteen hours."
John was consumed with making money. He took it for granted Maureen had the same vision and would be there for him. While John thought his relationship with Maureen was okay, she thought differently. This reality check was a wake-up call that made him refocus on those things that are important.
Achieve a balance
Work is important. It can also be very busy. It is easy to allow work to dominate to the point where you are working 10 to 16 hours a day.
While you may get the work completed, there is often a "cost" to this. It may be your relationship with a loved one or children, or it may be your health.
Ever thought of what it would be like to lose either of these?
Not only will your home life suffer, your work will also suffer. I often consult with clients who say, "My partner has just left me and I'm devastated". While they will do anything to get them back, it is often too late.
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to complete the above two exercises. Ensure you always have the right balance.
Examine your list and decide what needs changing
Now, assign a time to each that is realistic and achievable.
If you have your partner as #1 and you are only spending ½ an hour of productive time with them, you may deem this needs to be 1 or 2 hours. If you are not sure, consult with your partner. If it is important to satisfy them, it is important to consult with them - otherwise, you will "ass-u-me" you know what's best.
If health is on your list, how much time would you like to spend improving and maintaining your health? Once you decide, lock a time in your diary.
In the above case of John and Maureen, John cut back on time at work and began spending quality time with his wife and children. He began to exercise and eat healthier foods.
Most people do not realise what they have until they lose it.
It is only when someone loses their health that they realise how important it was to be healthy. They then wish they had done more to improve it. Relationships are the same. How would you feel if your partner left you? There is a good chance it would affect the way you feel, your children, health and financial status.
Most people are "curers" rather than "preventers". They wait until something goes wrong before addressing it and then hope to cure the situation. While they are told to eat properly and exercise, it takes a heart attack before they do it. Many wait for a relationship to fail before they do anything about it.
Preventing things from going wrong is a much easier task
In business, you work on what is most important and give it the appropriate time; you make the time to prevent things from going wrong; you have regular managerial and business meetings to ensure your business is on track and stays there; you regularly meet with people who can improve your bottom-line.
Do you meet with your doctor, coach, partner and family on a regular basis to ensure everything is on track, or are you waiting for something to go wrong before you begin the "fixing" program?
Just as in business, when things go wrong, the "repair" cost can be horrific.
Ensure you spend the time developing those areas that are important to you. You will certainly enjoy the benefits.